Don’t Thump the Melons

Anxiety got you crazy? Well wander no more – if you want to find a surefire place to channel your Elsa and Let it Go look no farther than your local grocery store. Now, first lets set some ground rules – I am excluding all groceries that either a) have an underlying smell of salmonella and dirty bleach water b) poor lighting c) narrow aisles and/or d) wonky carts with wheels that stick. Also, try to avoid “sample days” where all the seniors are out for a free lunch – they can be cutthroat if you get between them and the mini-quiches.

Now, think about it – there is something soothing about the grocery store. First of all it has a place for everything and (usually) everything is in its place. Lemons in all their cheery yellowness right next to the hardworking green limes. Red and shiny tomatoes hanging out with the pockmarked avocado. Its all about symbiosis in produce – we are all fruits but we own our fruitness. We make each other better – I mean really, who wants asparagus without a touch of citrus? I think there is a lesson there. (and yes I know asparagus is a vegetable – don’t ruin my literary feng shui).

I will admit the deli can easily push those zen like moments in produce right out of the way. Nothing like being at the deli counter behind the little 90 year old lady firing off in rapid Italian to the 16 year old kid behind the counter as his eyes glaze over and he starts to sweat. Hey kid – just a thought but I really don’t think shes looking for fajita steaks. Key here – take a number- and enjoy the wait. Check your email. Follow the blue bird and Tweet about something random. The deli is a lesson in patience so practice that yoga breathing.

Lastly, think dairy. Personally I think dairy gets a bad rap – how can anyone hate yogurt and cream cheese? Sometimes even together if its late enough and you’ve had enough vodka. Na Zdorovie. Dairy has become everyone’s favorite scapegoat – so after that bad day at work, when you may or may not be accused of deleting the office bitch’s presentation from the server and everyone hates you (but secretly loves you) realize you can relate to the poor little cartons of half and half. They are cute and so are you.