“Sending Prayers”

First let me say I hate Social Media.  It’s the devils playground.  That said, I have come to terms with the fact it is here to stay, and stay in a way that fertilizes an endless crop of questions on the human condition.  Pun intended.  Lets talk prayer hands.

How is it that the majority so many  Americans  identify as non-religious or non-practicing at best or agnostic or atheist at worst yet every post that even hints at less than an idyllic situation is inundated with “prayer hands?”

Here’s the scenario : Some neighbor puts up a post about a missing pet hedgehog and suddenly, you guessed it, prayer hands for days!  Really?  I’m supposed to believe the atheist next door suddenly hit her knees because Herbie took a walkabout?  Get over yourselves people.

Better yet – do you happen to follow a community “news” (read gossip) page?  You know the kind where some poor sap sits next to a police scanner all day and  “reports” the news? These are the winners in the prayer hands Powerball lottery.

Scanner post  : “County Road 4 for a pedestrian, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and hip waders. Says he’s waiting for Elon Musk to pick him up in the company spaceship.”  This poor guy will instantly garner no less that 250 comments with phrases like “OMG”, “How Sad” or “Hope he finds help” – all utilizing the prayer hands, teary eyed emoji or the puffy heart.  The thread will quickly morph into everyone in the tri county area “sending prayers” to some random weirdo walking along a highway in the dark. 

The joke is on you, the reader, because you fall for the “250 comments” notation EVERY TIME.  You click on it hoping to find what happened to the Buzz Lightyear wannabe. Not today Zurg! You begin to devour the list of comments but you guessed it – just more puffy hearts!  Gossip file is empty.  All you find is an endless thread of emojis from random people curbing their guilty conscience – because they are wondering what we all are wondering. Who is this guy? – and if I get in my car right now can I find him and make a tik tock?

Little secret here people – no one knows if you clicked on the post.  You don’t have to let everyone know how teary eyed you are.  Because you’re not.  No one is.  It’s a crackpot in fishing gear wandering the side of the road in the middle of the night. Probably in Northern Wisconsin. Which really means it’s just a typical Tuesday in Rhinelander.   

Wouldn’t it be great to see someone post something informative like  “Thanks for the update. That’s just Uncle Wally. He is off his medication again and decided the bottle of Jack Daniel’s was his cough syrup.” OR “Dammit Ed I’ve been looking everywhere for my Sunday church shirt.”

Let’s have some honesty here – all anyone wants to know is where did the loony end up? Why? Because sometimes we love to watch the traffic accident that is other people.  Its just how humans are. It doesn’t make us bad people.  It makes us people.  I’m not saying we wish tragedy on others but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a Jiffy-Pop and watch the show.

 So if you really are worried, or concerned try this.  Pick up a phone or drop in on your neighbor in person.  If you really need to seem overly concerned stick a piece of onion up your nose and let the tears fall as they open the door. Just don’t push it in too far – you do not want to try and tell the ER doc why you have an onion wedged in your sinus cavity. You especially don’t want to give that community “reporter” a chance to make you the next cause for “sending prayers” while everyone just wonders – what in the hell happened there and how fast can I stakeout the hospital parking lot with some snacks and a Diet Coke?