Kids love adventure, their grandmas and Disney World. That place where magic happens right in front of you while captivating the sweet innocence of childhood. A trip to the Magic Kingdom is a wonderful opportunity for kids to bond and make memories with their grandparents. Unless you are my children because in this family things work a little differently.
Picture two grandmas both in their 70’s – healthy and active. One is more the “put your dish in the sink or I’m going to kick your ass” AKA Nanna, and one is more “here, let me tie your shoes” (the kid is 25) AKA Grandma. Together they balance out and it works. My daughter will say she’s got one that can’t walk and one that gets lost. Translated : one is a cripple and one is a wanderer . Both persona are intentional. (Please note No grandmas were harmed in the making of this vacation.)
Add to that three kids. A Girl, 17 – rules with an iron fist. A Boy, 15 – spends his days provoking and then avoiding said fist – most commonly by narrating his dinner as he eats it. “Man, this ribeye sure looks great – and don’t get me started on the steak sauce.” Boy, 12 – the youngest, who has mastered the use of well timed “puppy eyes” so all adults protect him and several are ready with cookies in case of any distress.
Lets start this journey with the airline departure. Nanna, the one who can walk 5 miles up and down the beach looking like Usain Bolt, suddenly develops a debilitating limp whenever a trip through the airport is imminent. Her travelling cane appears and the cripple practicing begins in earnest. Thankfully, to date , this has not escalated, although a last minute trip to Costco to “practice” driving a Rascal scooter was discussed.
Once settled on the plane the texts from the 17 year old on the trip begin. “If you want to know how slowly someone can walk through the airport – just go on a trip with Nanna”. Mom to the rescue to reassure her little princess that’s it’s fine – you made the flight while also reminding her that “Nanna just needs to feel she got her money out of the prop cane.”
A few hours of peace follow thanks to airplane mode. This is a mixed blessing however because shortly after arrival at their destination, the tsunami of texts begin again. “Really, mom? A Chevy Malibu? – there is a Red Dodge Charger available and you rent us the Malibu?” Understand this is coming from the one that overpacks and would have to tie her luggage and herself to the roof of the Charger for all of them to get off the lot.
And we’re off to the Park! Photos of blurry “Welcome to Disney World” signs sent from a moving vehicle signal their arrival. Check in is a success and they settle in for dinner and a trip to the pool. All seems to have settled down. Until – wait for it …. The 2 am text message – “Mom we have a problem here.” Now as a mother this is instantly conjuring images of the worst possible scenario. Fight or Flight kicks in. You sit straight up heart pounding trying to text back while imagining the worst. The little kids are lost! Someone is sick! Grandma tripped over her fake cane and hit her head. “What??” you respond bracing for the worst— and then she tells you. “The snoring- Mom I can’t take the snoring! Why could you not get two rooms? I would go sleep in the bathroom but there is no bathtub!” – understand this is a two prong guilt trip attempt. She’s backing up the snoring issue with an earlier complaint about the size of the room. Easy knowing the kid didn’t pay for hotel.
Off to the park Day 2 and the panicked call from the 12 year old at dawn. “Mom we have a problem. You need to send Nanna all my money right now! All I want is a Lightsaber and she says that the vacation was enough of a present.” Commence maternal maneuvers : tell the kid to go talk to Granny. She will promise him anything and offer to go sell her plasma so he can have his lightsaber. Then she will give him a cookie. Note : she will immediately go on a walkabout while the situation works itself out. (Grandma is seriously conflict averse – explaining why she’s been missing a lot since they arrived).
Time for Mom to the rescue (again) and I place a quick call to Cruella DeVille – not the Disney character. “Nanna can you knock it off? You’ve got the kid stressing out trying to tell me how to Western Union you his life savings – I already told you I would pay for the lightsaber!” But yet again wait for it… here comes textbook Nanna : “Yeah, Yeah, I’m just letting him sweat it out for a while.” Swift revenge on Nanna is made in the form of a trip to Space Mountain thanks to the calculated use of puppy eyes. The cane won’t help you in there lady!
After a few days, that felt like decades, the trip will conclude. The travelers will all come home magically healed (where did the cane go?), weighed down with bounty (multiple Lightsabers that were charged to my credit card), exhausted, sunburnt and happy. They will have stuff to laugh about and remember for the rest of their lives. Nanna and Granny will survive and in about 6 months be glad they went. They will thank you for sending them on the trip and are glad the kids had fun. They will then stress they are never, under any circumstance, going back Dante’s Magic Kingdom. I will humbly agree that once is more than enough and thank them for being such good grannies. All the while knowing the secret giddiness I enjoyed while I stayed home to “work” and sent them on “vacation”. Worth every penny Cruella, worth every penny.
Chapstick in the Dryer 